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This is actually pretty thorough..
My Mental State
To start off with, perhaps I should mention I’m a crazy person. I tend to joke a little bit about it, but honestly it’s not fun being like this. I am currently diagnosed as having OCD, ADD, and Bipolar (type 2 I think..). Formerly that last one was just like Chronic Major Depression. But I blame that diagnoses on the fact that none of my my psychiatrists never have seen me for more than 20 minutes at a time. Also, to note, I have been on more than 15 different psychiatric pills in 4 years.
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I also have a lot of problems that could possibly be tied to Asperger’s Syndrome. I actually didn’t even consider the possibility of this until my Dad pointed it out to me.I am incredibly socially awkward when ever it’s an informal environment or I have to interact simultaneously with two or more other people. I usually take off my glasses when talking with a doctor or professor because it blurs their face enough and I don’t feel quite as strange about looking at them. (I tend to stare people down or just look away the whole time.) Another problem I have is that I usually move very awkwardly, and it gets worse as the number of people around increases. It’s almost like I forget how to walk, I become so focused on trying to make everything move normally, that I can barely move at all.
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AND in addition to all of that, add in sleeping problems. I can never get to bed before 3 AM these days…
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Interests, etc.
I usually have one main thing that I am obsessed with for an extended period of time. In the past it’s been architecture, genetics, Nazism, the television show Monk, psychiatric disorders (I pretty much read the entire DSM-IV that semester), tv show Criminal Minds, and The Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal Lecter. As of 2/23/2012 it is Jeffrey Dahmer.
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Usually these interests are really intense… they become all I think about. Ever. In their height, I will actually stop sleeping in order to spend more time researching them online. I sometimes forget to eat when I’m doing this. I just need to know all there is to possibly know about these subjects when I get like this… It ends in wasted time and usually useless knowledge (which I am full of).
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Other than those obsessions, I enjoy drawing. I’m actually pretty good at it, but I have no, like, “real creativity”… I just draw what I see or think I see.
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Hookah smoking is another subject where I know more than any normal person should. I can describe maybe around 10 flavors from each Starbuzz and Fantasia brand shisha, tell you about why I don’t like Al Fakher as far as flavor, tell you NOT to get an Econo Mya, recommend you a vortex bowl, and tell you that you need a Namoor hose (which you do), all from my experience over the summer of 2011.
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I write as well. Specifically, I write realistic dramatic fiction. A lot of starts to novels.. no ends to them.
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Education and Basic Life Story
I graduated high school in 2011. I don’t really like to think about the 4 years before that point. In summary, 4.1 gpa in sophomore year, 2.85 by end of senior. My problem was my attendance. I would drive to school or the Barnes and Nobles and sleep in my car, forehead against the steering wheel. Somehow I only shifted and hit the horn once in all of those terrible naps. I don’t know why I did it. I just did. It wasn’t like I enjoyed it.. I guess I was just avoiding things.
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Before my grades slipped, I was an excellent student. I had ‘an advanced reading level’ (I hate terms like that), and most of my early (grades 1-2) teachers told my parents “She could be in the Gifted/Talented class”.
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We moved a lot when I was little, three years was the record for staying in one place until the move that took us to where my Mom lives now. And because of that, my parents thought it would be a good idea to home school me for third grade. By the winter of that year I was completely friendless and isolated for the first time.
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Then grades 4-5, they put me back in public school. My social issues screwed up chances of private schooling. Fort Wayne, Indiana marked the real beginning of mental illness for me. I became very paranoid, started seeing meaningless connections between things (ex: three crumbs under the prongs of a clean fork, relates to the 3 golden dodge-ball things in gym, related to the only three trees in a specific row on the playground. Stuff like that.)
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I was actually convinced some employees from the school, they were called Monitors and they basically stood around the cafeteria an playground monitoring us, were planning to kill me/kidnap me. Because of that, I kept a backpack with some cereal and coffee creamers under my bed to allow me to have some food following an escape in the event of them coming to my house.
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I developed a fear of bright green foods that weren’t vegetables, because that shade of green was somehow associated with poison, I never used the top Dixie cup, or the first tissue, or the plate on top of the stack of plates. It was a messed up time for me, and somehow no one noticed anything was wrong.
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Then we moved again after the end of my fifth grade. Middle school was the best time for me academically. My paranoia and other problems from Indiana left me during most of this time.
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Seventh grade I took the SAT for the Duke TIP Program and won an award. For eight grade I finally ended up taking a G/T test and scored high enough to get in.Things were actually pretty good. And then high school happened, and now my life sucks.
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Right now I am in college. And I am alone again with no one to talk to here. I really do like a little interaction. I get weird with too little or too much. Here I have way too little.
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Other Random Things
