February 2012
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Went to my psychologist today and took an IQ test.
I took the Stanford Binet test. Scored 135. So basically I am in the 99th percentile….
How do I see myself?
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Last Night I Drank Myself into the Dark.
I was a with my close friend, her boyfriend, and their friend named Ben. I was supposed to come back home by 2 AM, so I just planned to drink a little bit. I had taken Klonopin earlier that day and after the first rum and coke I was feeling a buzz. I looked into the cup, and then I didn’t care.
I drank and I drank. The last thing I remember was pouring another drink and spilling some coke...
New Doctor is New
Me: What could possibly give you the idea I have borderline personality disorder?
Doctor: You have unstable relationships and relationship problems.
Me: ...No, because I don't have relationships.
Doctor: That's a problem.
Me: How is that a problem.
Doctor: ~random crap about people being social creatures~
Me: >.>
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Part of the reason I don't like to touch people is...
They are squishy. And it makes me feel strange… strange to know that life is so soft and warm. It makes me uncomfortable.
I always figured people were more solid and sturdy, but they aren’t. When I found that out last summer, it really shocked me.
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“The devil doesn’t exist. Satanism is about worshiping yourself, because you are...”
– Marilyn Manson (via thisisntfunanymore)
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And now, the real isolation begins...
My roommate is moving out. Honestly, I’m not too broken up about it. Towards the end we really weren’t getting along at all. And I hated having to sit here in the dark at 9:30pm because she went to sleep early and complained when I had the lights on. It will be nice to finally be able to do what I want without having to think about anyone else. And I can finally talk on the phone in...
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All I have eaten since Tuesday has been like 1...
And I really only ate the graham crackers to try to quiet the stomach acid.. The only reason I’m even thinking about this now is because someone posted something about being hungry. I don’t understand how I’m still not hungry… Maybe I’ll lose some weight or something… I guess that would be a positive result.
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abc family
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Benzos and Alcohol
Xanax, Valium, and Halcion are all benzodiazepines. They are very relaxing drugs, and alcohol amplifies the effects.
I’m taken a few .5mgs of xanax with some wine or beer before, and there was only one time that I seem to have blacked out, and apparently no one I was around could tell I was on drugs, they just said I looked disinterested in dinner. I didn’t even think I had eaten...
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“Jeffrey recalled having smoked one or two joints and had consumed a 12 pack of...”
– Psychologist at the trial of Jeffrey Dahmer.
About the murder of Steven Hicks
Sometimes I am afraid to go to class because I am worried the professor will ask my where I’ve been or why I haven’t turn in an assignment, and I will just stare and say “Because I am dead.” or strange things that although they reflect how I’m feeling they aren’t really ok to say to people.
Another scenario I worry about involves a professor who is...
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Just filled out an “About Me” page. It turned out a lot longer than I think I had intended.
But now it’s there, in case anyone cares to read it.
Seeing you in pain makes me happy, the thought of...
Sigh.. I need someone to hate :/
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Finally got some sleep..
And still that means I have only been asleep 4 out of the past now 45 hours. I pretty much tranquilized myself with all that Delsym, and I only get 4 hours sleep?
It might be like me to occasionally have a night where I don’t sleep, but always when I finally do get to sleep, I stay asleep until my alarm wakes me up or I’ve been asleep 12 hours.
It’s not like me to randomly get...
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I want to escape my mind.
There are a lot of strange things going on in my thoughts, and sometimes they are completely out of my control. That’s what’s going on tonight.
I really don’t consider myself addicted to anything. And medicine is medicine if it helps, right?
And I’m not being picky. Couple of Xanax! Bottle of cheap alcohol! Neither is expensive or hard to get, and when you use them...
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When I go home this weekend, I am soo going to...
You’ll see what I mean then, lol.
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15 Question Atheist Challenge: #15
Recommend a book. :) (Doesn’t have to be relevant to atheism, just any good book.)
Hmm. Well, most recently I read “My Friend Dahmer”, it’s a graphic novel written by a guy who went to school with Jeffrey Dahmer. I thought it was really interesting/entertaining, although sad… Anyway, I totally recommend it.